A Guide to: Hangovers

IF a shiver ran down your spine (and through your liver) when reading the title of this article, you’re no stranger to a killer hangover.

You needn’t be vowing to a tee-total life though. The classic “I’m never drinking again” tale that’s text and tweeted every Sunday morning to equally hung-over friends really isn’t necessary, usually because on recollection of the night before, you both end up sprinting to the bathroom and, well, we all know how that ends.

It’s all about moderation and of course, knowing the best hangover cures. From a standard litre bottle of a much loved (and needed) isotonic drink, to eating a watermelon (whole), there’s a whole host of hangover cures.

Rehydration seems to be the general consensus, but one ‘cure’ – I use the term loosely – I stumbled upon was, buffalo milk. Hold your horses, it’s not what you think – potentially it’s worse. A concoction of ice cream (not too garish) rum (uh-oh) cream liquor (ick) more rum, spiced this time and whole cream. Pause to barf.

Another antidote is good old vitamin B6. This method entails consuming 700 times of the recommended daily amount (2mg). This equates to 1400mg in one sitting, so you’ll be getting your fill of fish, bananas, chicken, pork, wholegrains and dried beans (and then more than likely bringing it all back up within the following hour). In other words you’ll be eating everything but last night’s takeaway that’s still lurking in your microwave. And your throbbing head will still be doing, well, just that. Binge vitamins? Didn’t you learn your lesson from binge drinking? A definite no no. 

One Turkish solution however, is a good helping of tripe soup. Garlic, cream – the full monty. The Polish reportedly swear by pickle juice and canned fish. So if you’d lost your sense of smell, the Turkish or Polish way can help you find it again. Along with your gag reflex.

It’s not just this generation either; the Roman’s had hangovers too. But since they didn’t have a shop on the corner (what with being busy building roads) to clear all the Alka-Seltzer from the shelves, they came up with the cheaper alternative of deep fried canaries. Perhaps they were far too literal with the concept of ‘hair of the dog’, or in this case, canary. In any case, I’ll pass.

Maybe, like me, the thought of solids (or any more liquid) sends you teetering on the brink of upchucking for the seventh time. A haven of darkness does the trick nicely along with a cat nap that lasts for, minimum, ten hours so the whole day is entirely wasted but you’re still not sufficiently recovered to care.

What certainly is not in the least bit helpful is the following advice from the NHS: ‘The best way to avoid a hangover is to not drink.’ FYI, if I wanted the trip down ‘I told you so’ lane, I would’ve rang Mum.

They then spout on about bouillon soup, because naturally, when you’re aching all over and feeling ghastly inside, the instinct is to get your cook on. Come on, if we resorted to that, there’d be no need to have the kebab shop on speed dial. Tsk.

So, bearing the ever-unhelpful pearls of wisdom seen above in mind, here’s some advice that is (I hope) more helpful:

Drink as much water as you can manage once you’ve stumbled through the door, attempting to aim for the mouth rather than your new sequinned dress.

It’s probably best to keep a glass next to your bed (and sick bucket) too for when you wake up and feel like you’ve fallen face first into a sand pit with your mouth wide open.

Remember this is the perfect opportunity for your guilt-free-high-calorie-extra-greasy snack, so chow down.

Opt for ibuprofen rather than paracetamol as it does less damage to your liver but can still wreak havoc with your stomach. Swings and roundabouts comes to mind.

While agreeing to go out (again) seems wise at the time, it really isn’t. Take time to recover…so you can do it all again next week.

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About Laura Scott

I'm a 22 year old copywriter working for an ecommerce website based in Manchester.

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