IT’S January. A time to take off our festive knits, put the lid back on the Roses and actually start going down the fruit and veg aisle in Tesco (sigh).
Yes, of course, it’s time to ‘beat the bulge’ and however you’d like to sugar coat it (or not in this case), the ‘New Year, New You’ mantra has reared its ugly head once again. You haven’t even taken the Christmas tree down yet but you’re already embarking on a detox, drinking umpteen cups of green tea that you bought last year and somehow didn’t quite, er, finish.
But simply gnawing at celery doesn’t quite cut it, nor does having an induction at the gym and never going back. There has to be the obligatory fitness regime. And given the turbulent economy, it’s best to rethink signing on the dotted line of a twelve-month gym contract.
Fear not. There’s a gazillion fitness DVDs out there that you can get your sweat on to in the comfort of your own living room, with the sofa right behind you to collapse into with your cup of (green) tea when you’re whacked.
I definitely don’t warrant watching the ageless Rosemary Conley or Jane Fonda prancing around because let’s face it, watching overly active shouldn’t-look-that-good-at-her-age ladies in high-legged spandex is no confidence booster.
Natalie Cassidy is another one to avoid. The devout yo-yo dieter should never have had the fastest selling fitness video in Britain. But she did because we can’t resist a slim success story (albeit short lived).
It’s becoming second nature for soap ‘stars’ that haven’t been killed off within the year, to dip their toe into the pool of fitness DVDs. Back in my more juvenile years, I was subjected to “Coronation Street: Funk Fit” starring the well-known, Tina O’Brien, Nikki Sanderson and Lucy Jo Hudson, AKA Sarah-Lou, Candice and the other one that had diabetes.
Being actresses, they were no fitness fanatics, shocker, but thankfully ‘Troy the Trainer’ was on hand to make everything all the more heated and cringe worthy. And yes, I had a crush on Troy.
Our Pick Of Fun Fitness DVDs:
Vicky’s Weight Off Workout!
Sticking with the Street, there’s also Janice Battersby’s attempt at keeping the muffin top at bay. See if you’re not lured in by the standard bad bikini body vs. toned, trim torso and not at all Photoshopped front cover.
Letitia Dean’s Lean Routine
If catchy titles are anything to go by, ‘Letitia Dean’s Lean Routine’ is definitely one for the collection. ‘Collection’ being the quick whip-round you do when your auntie’s having a car boot…
In keeping with the garbage theme, there’s also the ‘WAGS Workout’, because evidently they don’t exert enough energy keying in their hubby’s pin number and need something more fulfilling to pass the time, ie. wearing next to nothing and rolling about on a yoga mat in a extremely subtle claim to fame. And before you ask, yes they do tell you how to “get the body, style and look of a WAG”. Thank God.
Only Way Is Essex: Essexercise Workout: Vajazzle Edition
If this seems all very dull so far, make way for the TOWIE girls who have vajazzles in tow as well as “reem” dance routines to keep you looking, well, reem. Thus proving girl can multi-task, though I do have my doubts that getting into the groove is the best thing for letting the glue set.
Aerobic Striptease 2
Here, Carmen Electra makes the TOWIE girls look like Julie Andrews circa 1965, in her rendition of “Aerobic Striptease 2”. I kid you not. That somebody commissioned a sequel is bad enough but I guess it gets men doing more aerobics. Win win.
From aerobics to ‘Eirobics’, a personal favourite of mine, this tailored workout is “Irish dance based aerobics”, seemingly without a few pints of Guinness afterwards. Well you are detoxing.
Christine Bleakley: The Workout
Finally, somewhere verging on marginally ‘normal’ in terms of a fitness DVD, we have Irish WAG, Christine Bleakley. Sadly she’s not doing an Eirobics come WAG workout (boo), but instead it’s her take on the fitness DVD craze alongside her sister, who lost seven stone in a year and still looks just as trim as big sis. Definitely the most motivational of the lot, just a shame they didn’t follow through with the Irish theme and source an Irish instructor. But hey, maybe I’m just being pernickety.
Hopefully there’s something here that you’re willing to give a go, be it Eirobics, vajazzling or stripteasing. Given that you’re in the comfort of your own home, you’re at liberty to go wild, just remember, no spandex or leotards, vajazzle only after you’ve done the ‘cool down’ and complete concentration when Troy’s on screen. You won’t regret it.